Well I did fulfill my promise of going
to church.
I didn't go back to my old church,
dreading the encounters of questions from acquaintances near my age that have
their own businesses, family, life, etc.
I know that I am fearing harmless
things, but a young sheep mentioned this other nearby church and it seemed like a good idea
at the moment.
Looking up their website, it kind of
gave me a negative vibe.
A place where the pastor was telling
the congregation to repeat after him:
"pastor ___ is not belittling
women". (I am paraphrasing)
"Repeat after me, everyone. I am
serious, say it to the people sitting beside you."
Like seriously? Are you that insecure?
Well maybe it's because he was under
fire due to something similar before, understandable.... I suppose.
But what about the statement at the
bottom of the website, on how they see women in the congregation?
That women are not to teach men about
the word?
Is it biblical? I don't really know
where it's in the bible, but it just irks me.
(now that I think about it, I feel like
it's in one of the first 4 books in NT)
But it was a pretty good service. Great musicality with their worship music.
My scribbles during Saturday night
church:
((on Matthew 5:13-16))
Called To Make A Difference
Salt:
-preservation
-trade/salary
"he is worth his salt" ->
being paid in salt
-talking about salt being the flavour
of the world
-talking about our relationship w/ God
is both personal, but more importantly, it should not be limited by that
personal aspect.
-Pastor says that people back then
understood how to make good salt
__________
Daydream: what is the flavour of my
world?
-family, personal
mind, friendship
-am I to describe
it with how ‘Christian” it is?
-If I had one word to describe this relationship, what would it be?
-What happens if there is a more stable
versions of salt?
-or a saltier versions of salt?
-How wrong is it be a
“false””substitute” salt at the moment?
-what if I don't think that I can be real salt?
-am I still going to be thrown out trampled
-SHOULD I be thrown out?
-Do I really think that it is better to be fake than to have none at all?
Trying to be light
Have I been the light in somebody’s
world?
->how about
Scott when we lived together?
-my first thought
was that I was a ‘dim light’ that looked bright since there was such
darkness in his
life
->I believe that part of me, wanted to feel better and compared myself
to my
Christian
peers
__________
What if it is the pastor said, that we
are light and we do not “try” to be light?
-> If that
is so, then was I simply letting out a small/minimal light when I could
have
shone so much more?
->However (counter argument), what if that strong light scares them?
-> (counter x2), it should be fine if they are
scared. You should let that.... you.
__________
How do I feel from writing then? It
feels good?
Helps me reflect, feels clear, little
pressure in my head, not caring so much about others, feel confident, don’t
care how other people see me, cause no matter what, I don’t want to know them
if they don’t like this me.
__________
We should not do good deeds o receive a
"pat on the back” ->but that feels impossible
->I feel like I
need positive reinforcement to let me know that it was worth it
->can I do this I feel worthless (all the time?)
-Is that not why people should not be
alone? Even if our goals is not praise, it helps to have people that do give it
to you.
